Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Your pants are too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your midriff. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves.

Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; you look like you’ve let yourself go.

Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. You need to lose weight. Fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.

Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.

Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.

Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.

Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner.

Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.

Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone.

Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.

Just “be a lady” they said.

-Camille Rainville

At some point in my life at 54, I have been told most of these, or heard about other women being told these things. It starts at such a young age too. For me it was like yesterday, and I wasn’t even in Kindergarten yet.

I had hoped over my lifetime by the time I was at least in my 20s-30s it would end. Yet somehow it has gotten perversely worse. Why? I hope before my days are done, instead of going back to caveman archaic ways, we actually step not just into current days, but, make strides towards future better days.

When will girls stop being subjected to such perversion. At such a young age. I remember like it was yesterday, a grown man tried to groom me, or a different one tried to rape me. One was my teacher in Kindergarten, and one was my neighbor before Kindergarten.

I never talk about the hell I have lived, because I try to be a beacon of hope, and understanding about what lies in the shadows, and creeps in the light. A listening ear. A hug of honesty. And stoic tears of strength. In my lifetime I have cried many many many tears. Some damn many, it near ended me.

I have always had a deep connection to God. For me, I would not be alive today, if I didn’t. I am blessed, yes, I have always been able to find the path. It doesn’t mean, I haven’t seen or know the worst of man.

Now, at 54, yeah I definitely love and respect animals way more then most people. However, every time I see a good action, or deed, I hear of one… I thank God. I also pray to God, to not give up on us. I do that on a very regular basis. I also thank God for the bad too.

I know many won’t agree, or understand. I thank God, for showing the ugly. I am all about the honesty. Plus, my God guides me.

But, every day, I just thank God. I could tell you horror stories that make you give up in man as a species. Many I have seen first hand. My, I can tell you truths, of so many things. But, that is not what this is about.

This is about what your Mother, Sister, Wife, and Daughter goes through. Your Cousin, Friend, Girlfriend, or Lover too. This is about your Grand Daughters, and Great Grand Daughters too. This is about ‘Be a Lady’, how young we are taught, how long we are told, how much we have endured. This is about change. This is about strength. This is about Generational Future.

We ALL know what Generational Wealth is, a house is only as strong as its’ foundation, it’s bones. Girls, Women, Ladies, Broads, Dames, we ARE the backbone. This isn’t a war cry, nor plea.

This is about RESECT.

I am not blind to the fact that not everyone deserves respect, that is earned. That goes both ways. I would safely say 70%, deserve respect as a species. These days maybe closer to 60% if honest. That is why when I pray, I pray to God and the Universe.

I pray for forgiveness. I pray for forgiveness for us all.

I should probably say, my prayer doesn’t know color, religion, sex, if you are gay, straight, bi, lesbian, queer, or all the acronyms, as long as you are good to animals, most old people, most children, most people, my soul is praying.

My love is endless, but, I have learned boundries. I have learned the difference. The hardest lession I have learned is forgiveness. Every day I pray for my own.

– L

(Namaste)